James 1

It seems a funny thing, pain. Trials come and we grow as they go. According to James we are to "Consider it pure joy my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds, for we know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." It gives us endurance and endurance must work in order for us to become completely mature.

I was broken this past year. More so than I have ever been in my life. There was one point that my entire body ached and I cried so hard I couldn't make another sound. Then in the middle of my grief I heard the still quiet voice of God asking me to thank Him, thank Him for the pain. What? I'm sure I didn't hear you right. Thank you.... After a moment I decided I would do just that and I thanked Him for the pain I felt, for the rejection and the humiliation. Then, as if someone opened the doors to a giant cast iron stove, a warmth poured over me and I felt His presence flowing through me. I felt Him say. "This is my comfort, the Holy Spirit is my comforter. Pain is such an immense part of who God is, God is in the pain. And because I had never been brought to that place I could never experience such a vast part of who He is.

I think we spend so much time searching for things that make us happy. When what we should be doing is experiencing the things that are. When I cry, I feel, when I hurt, I feel, when I am wronged, I feel. All of these are experiences and emotions like happiness, that let me know that I am alive. A rock can never experience rejection. I can. I can listen to my heart as it breaks, as it seeks comfort, as it yearns to know why and how, and what. And through those experiences I can grow to become the man that God had made me to be. The man that, had we never sinned, I would be.

I had to force myself, but once I began to say the words. Thank you, and I began to rejoice in my sorrow. I felt release, and freedom, and hope, which leads to joy.