On Providing

God, you have been so faithful to provide for me. It was hard to surrender on how I think it should be done. Maybe it's pride, but I had always imagined that you providing for me was you helping me get work and blessing me through the fruits of my hands. During this time of my life you have been using others to help me and I am truly humbled and grateful. I still must admit there is a huge piece of me that wishes you would open a door for me and use me, the things I can do, and my talents to provide. I feel like I am taking advantage of people if they have to give me anything. I feel helpless and it makes me angry to feel that way. Thank you though that you have been so good to me. Your love for me has overwhelmed me and I find myself torn between dancing and weeping. Either way, may your name be praised, through my sorrow and through my joy. Receive blessing from it all. I am thankful that I am in a place where I am reminded daily to ask for your provision. I have realized that it is you how gives all good things. I know this. I have done everything within my earthly power. I have applied to countless jobs, made numerous phone calls, and have tried to get serving jobs that fell through. I even had a plan to get a job at the Old Spaghetti factory on Monday, but the city flooded and the restaurant it closed. It's almost funny. I don't want to leave this place though until I am ready, because I never, please, never, want to be back here :) Thanks for letting my parents move in, thanks for Salle Mae working with me, thanks for my mortgage company working with me. I started to feel sorry for myself today and quickly rebuked it, remembering all that I have to be thankful for and all of the people who lost everything in the flood. Each trial we face is an opportunity to become the people we were created to be. Filled with life, power, joy, and peace.