What it Takes to Move On

So today I was sitting in the library and I was working on putting together a business proposal. It's a really great idea I've got, but I was having a hard time finding the words that I wanted to put down and the order to do it in. That's the real trouble with me, the order. Which comes first when I'm not sure how to do any of it. When this happens I often times do nothing. That's something that is hard to face with me. I was really frustrated with myself and came home to work on the concept for kids film. I've got a great start on it, but kept running into brain farts that linger. I was again frustrated and felt like any attempt that I made to move forward was hindered. So I guess that's why I'm here right now.Wondering what I am supposed to do. I want to do something, anything that will help me feel like I'm not just sitting and.... waiting.

I know, I know. Waiting is what we're supposed to do sometimes, but when I begin to get antsy... I have a lot on my plate right to deal with emotionally and I am rushing. Creditors are calling because I haven't had, until recently, any work for a while. And Heidi is getting remarried... I still can't believe that Heidi is getting remarried. It was just the other day that she told me, I actually had to pull it out of her by asking her about Arianna's schooling. She was getting married and moving to Michigan and said she was taking Arianna. She had already taken my family, my money, and my daughter, and now she wanted to take her to another State to be with some man I knew nothing about. I was so deeply hurt. I pulled over to the side of the road and wept bitterly. I didn't know what else to do at the moment. It felt like the knife was still in my back and Heidi always knew right were to find it. I knew I had to do something, I couldn't let Heidi take her to Michigan. It isn't what's best for Arianna at all. She needs me more than anything.

It's hard to deal with this pain, but like I said before, something is different. At this moment I have peace. I was praying today about how to get things finished, about how to deal with my sorrow and I felt in my Spirit, that still small voice saying, "You just do it. You have to make up your mind to do it." So, I'm working on making up my mind. It's crazy now. Besides knowing that I want to be with my daughter I don't know what I really want and it makes it hard to get traction on anything.