On Letting Go

There are seasons in life when the only option that we have is letting go. Dreams? Let them go. Spouse? Let them go. Friends, family, work... same. I have been struggling recently through a lot of things, but God has been good and faithful. Through the process I was forced to let go of my wife, my daughter, my work, my house, my cars, my credit, my pride and now my dreams. I have worked for myself for some time and this year was really taxing as the economy took its toll. I had virtually no money and had to borrow, plan, defer and the like just to make ends meet. Over the course of the last nine or so months I have been crying out that God would provide for me and He has finally answered in the form of a salaried job. Now this might sound like a great thing to most people, but to me it is a type of defeat. Why? Because I set out to pursue my dreams, I really want to direct feature films and I want to own my own company where I am the boss and where I have control over the ideas, projects, times, and schedules. Where I have the freedom to create without the constraints of form and regimentation I associate with working for another company. I have had an amazing offer and I am very aware of how much I need this in my life right now. How good it is for my daughter and what this is going to free me up to be able to do. I'm even going to be able to keep and work with my current clients. It's going to allow me to pay off debts and write in a less stressful environment. Of course this is going to be a good thing, but it's not how I planned and imagined it, so I am being required to let go. I keep feeling God telling me that He is going to bless me above and beyond anything that I could ask or imagine and that this is part of His plan for me right now. As I was praying asking Him to forgive me for complaining in my heart, the word Mana came into my mind. Mana, is the food that God provided the Israelites when they were in the desert/wilderness for almost 40 years. It literally means, "What is it?". They complained about it too, a lot. God had promised them a land flowing with milk and honey, but this is what God gave them. I realized that this is like my mana. It is provision, maybe not what I want right now, but the truth behind the Israelites sin and behind mine too is that it is the belief that God would not honor his promise. That this was it. I felt Him prompt my heart with a question. Do you think that this is all I have for you, when I told you there was something far better? The Isrealites had to eat mana for a time, but the day was coming when God was going to move them somewhere else. Until that day came they should have been thankful for what they had because otherwise they would have died in the wilderness.
I have been floundering these past years, stuck in a cycle of working enough to just pay the bills. This job is going to give me the chance to work on things I want to, like my short films, music videos, my book and projects overseas. I just have to let go of how I think it should be done, eat my mana, and be thankful that God is not leaving me in the wilderness to die, but is leading me to a place where I might have life and have it to the fullest. (Again, that might not always be what I think it will look like, but it will be perfect for the me that He created me to be!